News Alert! - I have been excused from my reservist training. But the situation leading up to such an arrangement is nothing short of being controversial. I admit that I was too rash and made a bad decision.
Seems that I can't do anything right these days. Been rather troubled by my responses to things around me.
1. Realised that I cannot cope with the onslaught of things at work. The schedule is tremendous. SOO revealed a lot of my incapability to multi-task and helped me appreciate the strengths of others much better.
2. I realise my greed in wanting to do everything well. So much that I expect a lot more from myself and in the process, disappoint myself when I fail to do things well. Perhaps I need to learn to focus more on what I do best first.
3. The reservist experience has been cut short by my careless assessment of the situation. I think that I have been too accustomed to comfort and as a result, dread going back to camp to do all that I used to do. I don't know what came over me but I am shocked by my own insistence to exercise my "right" not to go outfield because of my assumed PES status requirement. Looking back, there is nothing but regret and guilt that I have presented a very bad image as a child of God. The numerous pairs of eyes that witnessed my nonsense must have been very shocked.
4. My ability to relate to the general group is really far from ideal. Being a higher ranked officer made me more alienated than ever. Throughout this incident, I realised how immature I have been in handling the responsibilities presented to me. I also found it hard to engage myself with the general group of people. I can't hold up a decent conversation and the general spirit I present is one of tiredness and negativity. There is nothing postive from me at all. It was a grave mistake to go to camp without preparing myself mentally and physically. As I left the camp this morning, I felt so small, so insignificant because I have contributed nothing to this team even though I was to have played a very important role if I stayed on.
Its an uphill task ahead to recover from it all. School is back. I will need God's grace as much as ever.
3 comments:
hi bro,
guess things must be spinning off control...soundz like things going at crazy speed.
take care though, i trust that in all this you'll be able to cope and do well by the grace of God :-))
take time to rest abit though
j.m
Believe your tiredness is taking a toil on you. Keeping you in prayers, as you seek Him for refreshment =)
Do not lose courage. Press on bro!
thanks all. I understand what is happening and I'll be careful. All is not lost. But I wanted to share my moments of vulnerability when it comes. Its really a good time to learn and grow.
Hardships are inevitable. But God can turn any situation around. I will be patient. Thank you for the constant encouragements.
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